Sometimes, I really get uncontrollable and shitty. It gets difficult to hold control over myself and things get annoying. And trust me, that’s kind of worst thing that you know you’re doing bad but you can’t stop yourselves from doing such. I get too rough. Too difficult to handle.
Consequently, I create a chaos out of nothing. Mood swings sucks! Sucks too much. Each and every part of the universe vex and I hurt people; my closed ones, my friends, my family and who not. I get into some another world where mind and heart completely gets out of context and over reacts. I’m filled up of negative energies so much and I need to eliminate it out. Though, I accept my badness openly, but things are not so easy. I try to be good. I put my efforts for not being so wicked. But at times, I feel my alter egos almost destroys me. I do things which I would never like to do. But unfortunately, I end up doing such things. And now it’s getting too much. I really need to change myself before I end up losing everything in my life. Deep inside, the pernicious ego factor is igniting fire in my heart and it would kill me. Kill me to the core. I have been a girl who has always accepted her the way she is and has never hidden her traits from world. If I am good, I am good. And If I am bad, I am bad. No lies.
There was a time in my life, I was happy being “bad”. I accepted myself being bad and in fact embraced it. Things happened in my life, people criticised me, even hated me. And I was happy. I didn’t like to talk to anybody. I was happy being myself. But not really! Was I happy? I ask myself. It hurts. Hurt deep inside. Being called bad and hated by everybody out there.
Now I feel, it’s not good to be bad and pathetic. World is full of good people, genuine souls. I should learn from them. I should tranform my negativity into positivity and be good to everyone out there. I can’t bear my harmful nature anymore. I am tired of hating myself. I want to be a good human, love my own self and be proud of what I am.
This post is out of exasperation. Sorry guys.
You all are lovely souls. 😘